Where does my urge to write go? Sometimes I lose it and am sure it’s sitting forlornly in the lost and found department of some store, waiting for me to return and claim it ( Read more... )

I have to admit, I’m a little bit mesmerized by slow lava flows like the ones going on in Hawaii. It’s this lumpy disgusting unstoppable progression of unbearable hotness that just immolates anything in its path…. but at the same time it’s just sooooooooooooooooooooo bloody slow! Imagine if you lived near an oozing pyroclastic flow emitting volcano ( Read more... )

The kitchen bench top of my childhood home protruded out beyond the actual counter and into the walkway space between the kitchen and dining area. It was curved and sleek, cleverly stealing additional surface space for cooking prep. The only problem was that I always ran right into it. There must have been a time, as a toddler, when I could ( Read more... )

George Clooney got engaged - what’s next? Flying monkeys? A sequel to ‘The Breakfast Club’? Vampires wearing garlic garlands as a haute couture fashion trend? A reality show that doesn’t demean its contestants? There were certain things I came to believe were immutable and permanent, and George Clooney’s singlehood was one of them. I don’t know ( Read more... )

There are few things I do with metronomic regularity, but wearing my favourite pair of underwear on Mondays is certainly one of them. Everything is hard on a Monday, so I figure I’m entitled to a few little Monday indulgences.. and my favourite undies are a part of that Monday pamper package. They’re not sexy and nothing about their colour or style ( Read more... )

It’s really a travesty of justice and equality that fingernails are afforded the right to be grown long and fashioned into talon-like points but toenails receive no such societal acceptance. I’m not saying you couldn’t grow your toenails long and file them into points (then walk stealthily close to your enemies and sideswipe their legs, using your ( Read more... )

There are few satisfactions as subtle as removing the poop-chutes from prawns in one fell swoop of intact poop-chutery.  Some people don’t bother with prawn poop-chute removal, but I’m an anti-poop-chute stickler. It can be finicky work, finicky but with a permeating sense of quiet accomplishment (and this adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the ( Read more... )

I’ve spent the night moving things about my room in an only partially successful attempt to clean up the mess. I succeeded in rearranging all of it, but only got rid of a few bags of paper. I seem to accumulate paper the way a dryer accumulates lint, or a porn star accumulates  ……………….  well, I’m sure you can fill in that gap for yourself. There is ( Read more... )

Some things are more enjoyable in theory than in reality. Like hammocks. Hammocks are always much much more enjoyable in my mind than when I clumsily balance myself onto one, worrying the whole time about toppling off and then having the hammock material leave strange net shaped indentations in my bare skin. The eventual slow rocking is nice, but ( Read more... )

I’m not one of the crazy "rinse brigade", those unhinged loons who wash their dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. And, quite genuinely, I question the mental capacity of anyone who does that. Surely it defeats the purpose of having a dishwasher if you’re going to do all the hard work on its behalf? Some rinse brigaders, or pre-wash ( Read more... )